Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night

MERRY CHRISTMAS to my Christmas celebrating readers.  


You all know I'm Jewish, but nevertheless, I have some much needed time off work and some quality time with my family now, until Tuesday, with my family.

I hope you're all doing the same.

I will post again when I'm back from my little winter slumber.



Hugs,

*Canadian Girl


PS
Isn't Herbie so cute?  He wanted to be a dentist.  So did I.  We're soulmates.

Fat. Urgh. Myth or Truth?

So I'm not fat.  I've told you all this before.  I'm realtively svelt.  I can see that in the mirror.  I'm an intelligent person.  I can SEE this.  But do I think it?  No.  I feel so fat.  I have hardly not gone to the gym since I moved in here to my new place and feel so lose and un-toned.  Meanwhile, I know I'm not, but I FEEL it.  Maybe it's because I sit on my arse all day at work with little movement except to go to the printer, get a coffee or pee.

Is thinking that we're fat and doing something to counter-act that really more important than the health implications of being fat?

I don't know why I never hit the gym. I used to do it ALLLLLLL the freakin time.  I consider myself to be in good physical health and actually enjoy a workout.  Maybe it's because I feel so dang tired when I get home.  Or maybe it's because I feel bad leaving my little dog after leaving her alone for 9 hours?  (She's a Maltese/Yorkie cross...Morkie.  Google it.  She's 4 lbs of love.)  Whatever it is, it has to stop.

Perhaps if Ryan Phillipe showed up looking like this, I'd be more inclined to frequent the gym.


Let's focus on the future as I've resolved to do.  I will be attending the gym more in the future; not for my physical appearance, but for my mental one.  If that's actually possible...






Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Updates.

So, the ex.  We spoke earlier this week.  He'd been hoping to see me upon his arrival back in my province on Saturday of this week.  Since I've now been made aware WITHOUT HIM TELLING ME FIRST, that he has a gf, I politely told him that it wouldn't be fair to his gf for him to see me without telling her.  And I informed him that if he still felt about me the way he claimed he did, that he may lose control of his emotions.  He was in 100% agreeance and asked for a couple of days to think about it.  Have I heard from him?  No.  This was mid-last week.  Some things never change.  I die.  He's such a prick.  I almost wish I could publish his name here just so that the world could know WHO it is that I hate so much.  Alas, that would defeat the purpose of anonymity entirely, as good as it would feel.

On to newer and better other things: I think I may hate my job.  Hate is such a strong word.  I don't know that I hate it so much as have job dissatisfaction (hello business school terms that I thought I'd never use again!).  It's just such an up-tight, all work and no play environment that I'm so bored and unhappy.  I'm becoming so damned serious just like them.  Eff my life.  Before you start to wonder "what the eff is Canadian Girl doing to help herself instead of just kvetching on her blog?", know that I'm in the process of updating the resume and qualifications with the hope of sending that out into the Insurance world in the New Year.

I will keep you updated on both fronts.


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

One of my fave places on earth: Vegas, Baby!!!

The title says it all.  I LUUUURVE Vegas.  I've been there twice in the past year.  That's right: twice.  It's so incredibly cheap to go right now, and it's like the adult Disney world!

The first time I went was with the ex.  Eff him.  I didn't have that much fun.  In hindsight, maybe it's because of the company.  But who knows.  We also stayed at the Imperial Palace.  Blue lights and all.  I'm a bit high maintenance.  Go figure.

The second time we went it was myself and my two bffs.  We had a fantastic time.  Not only did we shop til we dropped, have a *little* too much to drink on a few occasions, and tour the city like three Canadians on an adventure to the lost world, but we climbed Red Rock Canyon.  I'll admit.  I'm not much of an "outdoorsey" person.  I don't camp.  I don't particularly like to hike.  And my idea of a "scenic" tour is driving through the country en route to the mall.  Serious.

I have to say, though, that I was so incredibly proud of myself for doing the climb.  We did a rock scramble, so we were scaling rocks that were incredibly steep without ropes and any experience, really.  It was so hot in the Vegas heat that I thought I'd never surmount it, but I did.  It's something I'll never forget, and something I surely didn't expect to do.  It's more of a once in a lifetime thing, I think.

Anywho, back to the good stuff.  We shopped.  And shopped.  And shopped.  Personally, the Forum Shops at Cesar's are the top of the shop when it comes to stores.  I took the two into Tiffany's with the premise that I was simply going to LOOK at a bracelet and necklace which were not available in Canada.  $2000 later (that's combined, not just me.  What do you take me for?) we walked out of the Cesar's T & Co. three happy, and somewhat intoxicated ladies.  *Note: do NOT drink before shopping heavily in jewlery stores.  I have an addiction to Tiffany's.  More on that in another post.  But really.  I should see someone about that.

My one friend got these gorge Tory Burch flats from the actual Tory Burch store in Cesar's.  JEALOUS!  I have to have these.  Alas, I'm not so flush with funds, so that will come when the rest of the debt is gone.  But seriously, LOVE THEM!  And...she says they're super comfy.  Makes it that much worse for us poor folk who can't afford them...

The nightlife there is insane.  One night, while enjoying a lovely dinner at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant in MGM before we went off to Ka, we were simply bantering among us three about what club to hit that night.  Little did we know that we were sitting next to two Vegas locals with club connections (contrary to popular belief, they don't stand out as blantantly Vegas-localish.  You have to ask.).  She gave us a number to call and voila!  We were VIP to one of Vegas' hottest nightclubs: Lavo.  I loved it there; expensive and a little crowded and I was grouchy because I was still hurting from the rock climb, but inside, I loved it and want to go back.  Next time, I'll save up for $9 beer night.

We took a walk up the Vegas strip.  This wasn't something I'd done before.  One of my gorge ladies was hell bent on seeing the Stratosphere.  I tried to explain it wasn't much.  But she wouldn't listen.  Either way, we were able to see some of the motel options that are for the budget (and not-germ) conscious visitors and we came across the chapel that was in the Hangover.  Or so we thought.  The three of us watched it last night and realized that it wasn't the same chapel.  I guess they all look the same out there.  It was a nice thought while it lasted!

The Bellagio fountains were so spectacular.  Though I'd seen them before, it still never ceases to amaze me.








We've said we'll go back in 5 years.  I think I'll be back before then.  Next time, we're staying in the Venetian (we'd stayed at Bally's.  Great for the price, but I think I'll want a little higher class when I'm in my 30's).  I'd better start saving now, loves!

A few other things:  the hotels are INSANE.  The newer ones are, at least.  The older ones, not so much.  But whatevs.  You won't believe it until you see it.  They're all done up to the nines (some pics posted below) and are, as I said before, designed for an adult Disney World.  Where else can you have breakfast at a Lambourghini dealership?  Vegas?  Yep.  And we did.  Pics below.  Also, prostitution is really, really accepted there.  Not that you were surprised, but I sure had to warn the ladies before we hit the strip.  It's so blatant, you can pick up a business card, or five, with x-rated photos.  Perhaps a present for the lonely male in your life.

Go to Vegas.  It's super cheap right now and you won't regret it!

Here are a few more pics from our trip.  I shall call them Vegas-porn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Note: we don't know these poor saps in our photo.  But love the background scenery.

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

*RIP* Brittany

As noted in the post below, I'm a trash tv lover.  With that, comes my love for all that is celebrity gossip.

Actually, InStyle and Us Weekly are something else I count as porn...well, for me anyway.

This morning I was stunned to hear that Brittany Murphy has died at the tender age of 32.  Eff.  I'm so sad.  This just reminds me of how short life really is.  That's only a few years older than me and scares the sh*t out of me.  Mind you, drugs are suspected to be the cause of her heart attack and I'm surely no drug user, but it doesn't prove to ease the sense that I have right now of knowing just how limited my time on this earth may be.

I'll admit she was looking so totally cracked out in the past few publicity pics I've seen of her, but this was totally unexpected.  I thought hoped the worst we'd hear was the announcement of her entering rehab.  So sad!

The pic I've posted here isn't a recent one; she looks young, vibrant and full of life as I'm sure she'd want to be remembered.  I wasn't a die hard Brittany fan, but thought she was a promising young actress with a lot to offer young Hollywood.

So, in honour of Brittany, let's live our lives to the fullest, luvvvvers, and take each day as it comes, knowing that what the world has in store for you is making each day better than the next.

Read the ongoing coverage of Brittany's death here, at Perezhilton.com....yet another of my favourite sites.  Or, link there thru the blogroll.  You know you wanna do it.                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                                                                                     * pic courtesy of google images.


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Thinking About the Future

Do you ever wonder where you'll end up, or look back at the year past and think to yourself, "this is not where I thought I'd be"?

I'm having that whole looking-back-and-wondering-if-life-is-going-as-it-should moment today.  I'm just not where I thought I'd be at this time last year.  I'm in a completely different place in my life.  Not that it's a bad thing, but it's just that it's well...different.  Different can be good.  I know I should embrace what life sends my way and know that everything happens for a reason.  This is my new mantra for 2010.  I'm going to stop being so f*king anal about everything and just let sh*it go down.

I think I'll be a lot happier if I just take things in stride and try to not let the unimportant phase me.  That's easier said than done, but I know it'll be better for me in the long run and that I will improve as a person.

This isn't really a resolution so much as an evolution of my character.

What are your New Year's evolutions?


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Trash TV. I love it. Deal with it.

Anyone who knows me (alas, you'll never know if you really do!) knows that I LUUUUUURRRRRRVE trashy tv. It's my porn. Well, it's ONE of the things I consider to be my porn.

I think all day. I work hard. When I watch tv, I don't want to think. I just want to laugh and enjoy the stupidity as it ensues.

My current new fave is MTV's Jersey Shore. See it here live on MTV.ca.  Ugh, I die!  I could watch this show all day.  I'm not Italian, but I'm of a similar European descent.  I'm not a "guidette" (it should really be guida, no?  But we all have gathered that spelling and grammar are not their strong suits), never fear.  But I CAN'T. STOP. WATCHING.

Maybe I can find myself a guido like this dude who has the word "Cadillac" tattooed on his rib cage.  We know I rep tattoos.  But that?  I don't get the significance...or the fact that it has to be so dang huge and spelled out.  He also spends 25 minutes on his hair.  Eff that.  I don't even spend that long and probably never will.  Oh, and did I mention that he has his hoo-hoo pierced?  We all know what I'd do.  I'd giggle.  I need to be on Jersey Shore NOW.




How will I get on Jersey Shore now?  I will give myself a weird, un-related and mildy retarded nickname.  This chick - who claims she invented the poof (sorry hunny, you didn't invent it, nor is the poof meant to be held up with a large, white banana clip) - has the perfect nickname: Snookie.  Her name is Nicole.  Related? Nope.  Weird?  Check.  Mildy retarded? You bet.  She eventually becomes Snickers among the cast, but I digress.  Back to the aim; find me a nickname.  Perhaps I'll go with "Kit Cat"...you know, I'm Canadian, hence the C and it's a homage to my favourite chocolate bar.  

 They love to fist pump.  With pit stains.  I would SO fit in.  I sweat like a motherfucker.  He's also college educated.  But if you watch the show,  you'll wonder WHAT college educated him.  I've even come across a site dedicated to fist pumping.  WTF MATE?  Gross.  They'll let anyone post on the interwebs these days. 

Click on the pic to see the stains in all their sweaty epic glory.  

* pic taken from guestofaguest.com, who has a hilarious Jersey Shore post here.



If you haven't seen the show.  Watch it at the link above.  Or, do like me and watch it live as it airs.  Do it.  You know you want to.




Hugs,


*Canadian Girl

Self Confidence. Where to get It?

The title of the post says it all. I've lost my self confidence and I can't find it. Serious.

Why? I don't particularly know. I'm not dumb. I have a great job. I'm hot (*or so I'm told, NOT my personal opinion). I own my own home. All that, and I'm only in my early twenties.

What is it about me? Why can I never think I'm good enough. I don't just find this in my love life; I find it in my daily life. I have trouble at work because I'm constantly seeking affirmation from others that I'm doing well, when really you are the only person who should be responsible for your own self confidence. I seem to have no problem attracting dudes. Note I use the word dudes. Not particularly great guys, but dudes. They're the "guido" type (* more on that in my next post), who seem to just want a good time and don't want anything serious.  Gross.  Here's hoping I find a "special" dude in there somewhere.

Maybe having a guy will help my self confidence. Who knows.  But it all comes around to the fact that I don't want my self confidence to E-V-E-R  be based on admiration from some guy.  I want to find my self confidence from inside.  I want to really and truly believe that I am worthy.  I don't know where it stems from.  I'd always thought it perhaps came from my childhood where I was overweight, bucktoothed, and wore glasses.  It was my perception that I was an ugly duckling for my entire childhood.  Recently, however, I came across an old photo of myself as a young child in my parents' collection of old photos.  The first thing that caught my eye was how striking I was.  I wasn't like other kids that age; "cute" would not be what I would describe the picture to be.  I looked exotic...almost too exotic for a young girl.  I was am beautiful and always have been.

Perception.  Maybe that's just it.  Maybe I need to change my overall perception of myself to obtain that self confidence I so wholeheartedly lack.  Here's to another year on the horizon.  Here's to another opportunity to perceive myself in a different light as the beautiful, intelligent and successful woman I know I am.






Hugs,


*Canadian Girl

Happy *belated* Hannukah

I so should've posted this on Friday. Alas, I'm new to this, so please forgive me!

A little bit more about *Canadian Girl: I'm Jewish.

Therefore, I "celebrate" Hannukah. You wonder why it's in quotations; I don't particularly partake in the religious ceremonies, nor do I particularly give everyone in my life 8 gifts.

However, it's MY Christmas, and it's Christmas for some of my friends. Therefore, HAPPY HANUKKAH!

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

I'm Only a Lez for ONE Person .(I think).

I can't believe I've gone all week without posting!

It's been chaos here; between work and writing an exam, I haven't known what to do with myself I've been so busy.  Plus, I've gone out and been social TWICE this week.  Believe me lovers, this is something amazing.  Might not seem that way to you, but it sure is amazing to me.  And it's showing that I'm letting myself have a little more freedom and easing up on the 'debt repayment' pressure.  I've decided that the debt is going to get paid off.  I've shown that I can live on a budget AND that I can, for once in my life, exercise caution and self-restraint when it comes to purchases and general money spending.

That said, onto the rather odd title for this post.  If you've read my previous posts, you'll know I'm jaded when it comes to men.  Like serrrrrrrriously jaded.  Therefore, I've contemplated, more than one time, becoming a lesbian.  However weird that is and though it may seem like a somewhat logical decision for some, I can't think of anyone but one person who I'd be a lez for: Megan Fox.

Sorry gals, she's just gorge.  I die.  I'd eff her.  Seriously.




She is the one person I'd choose to look like if I had the choice.  I'm a brunette, I'm tall, I'm thin and I have a *reasonably* large rack.  What's the hold up?  I don't have blue eyes.  Again, eff.  Nothing I can do about that.  Oh, and my nose isn't shaped like hers.  But whatevs, I can deal with that.

 

*also - if you click on the link, it says 'megan fox nude.jpg'.  Don't know why.  She's not nekked.

A little porn for my blog, so to speak.  Love these pics.  Now, she looks GORGE in every pic, even those where she's just bummin around LA, but these ones for FHM, I believe, are my faves.  AND my workout inspiration.  YOU WON'T LOOK LIKE THAT SITTING YOUR A** ON THE COUCH CANADIAN GIRL!  (*that was me yelling at myself, incase you hadn't gathered*)

I don't just like her look, though she's STUNNING, but I LUUURVE her tattoos.  I'm a bit of a tattoo nut myself (I have quite a few, but telling you what they're of would reveal myself to any people who know me!), so seeing another beautiful woman beautifully wear tats and express herself through body art is inspiring to me.  Absolutely.

She rocks those tats with total disregard for what haters may say about them and perhaps comment on her character as a woman for having them.  I agree with her.  They're a big FUCK YOU to anyone in my life who's hurt me; they're a part of me.  Each of them represents a story or a moment in time for her, and so do my tattoos.  I'd like to think I can rock 'em like she can.  Alas, no posting of sexy pics.  Besides, no one wants to see that shit.

This one is my absolute fave.  She's sensual and sexy without been trashy.  

I'd totally become a lez for her.  110%.  




HAPPY WEEKEND MY LOVES!!  




Hugs,


*Canadian Girl

Rock Out With Yer C*ck Out On a Monday Morning

I’ve been noticing the rather gloomy posting trend on here of late.  Apologies. 

Here is something that for sure brightened my day on a Monday morning.  Click to enlarge.  

Pun intended.

*pic taken from Torontoist*

That’s right - it’s a picture printed in Toronto’s Metro newspaper.  Now, if you’re unfamiliar with the Metro news, it’s a free newspaper that is distributed at most public transit and commuter areas in Toronto, Vancouver and other major Canadian cities.  It’s a sort of an update and quick summary of the daily news, complete with an Entertainment section, Sudoku and Horoscopes.  And penises, apparently.

This poor dude…and his wang.  Was that an accidentally on purpose showing of the peen?  Or was this simply an accidental popping out to say “hello I’ve been cooped up for much too long” on the part of his member?

Clearly that was one warm tub or he’s had shrinkage and he simply has an abnormally long schlong for someone of his age.  This guy [whose name I won’t publish here] is only in high school and is going to be a school-wide legend. While he’s reveling in his new found glory, someone at Metro will be getting fired.  Fo shizz.

In case you’re wondering, I was sent the direct link to metronews.ca by a friend this morning, which took me directly to the page.  However, the pic online has since been cropped to only show it up to his t-shirt.  LAME!  C’mon Metro.  Leave it in.  Some of us single gals need to see a little peen on a Monday morning.

Penises make me giggle.  I’m so immature. 

No wonder I’m single.  I laugh at every penis I see. 

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Gross. *End Scene*

That prick; you know, the one I'm not over.  He has a girlfriend, yet he's still calling me and wanting to get together.  Jesus!  He emailed on Thanksgiving weekend, then called on my bday, and we've even talked on the phone since.  The jerk even messaged me on g-chat (the adult MSN...lame, yes.  Do I love it? For sure) yesterday to say how excited he is to come home and he hopes to see me.  We even had a convo about the Tiffany ring he bought me on our vacay last year in Vegas.  I told him I'm still wearing it, and he was ecstatic.  I believe the words were something to the effect of "whenever you wear it you know it's from someone who cares very much about you".  How would you like it if your bf said that to some other girl?  I sure wouldn't.

I don't wear the ring to remind me of him, but it still does.  I wear it because it's gorgeous and it's Tiffany and I love it.  This is a pic here - of the Somerset collection, I believe.

*this isn't my finger, or my pic.  Got it from Google Images.

I hope she's happy.  I know he's an ass for still calling etc.  Whatevs.  I'm still totally in love and miss him every day.  I wonder about their sex life, what it's like for him being with someone else.  Most of all, I wonder if he's happy.  He can't be if he's still wanting to see me, right?

Eff.

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

In Need of a Little Inspiration

I'll confess: I'm in debt.

We aren't talking huge debt here.  We're talking only about $3,000 left.  That's down from approximately $13,000 when I left university a while ago.  I've been living on $70/week to try to pay it all off, while working full time, studying and renting a condo in an urban, expensive city. 

This has been a HUGE weight on my shoulders.  Now that I'm coming to the final stretch, it only seems to be getting harder and harder.  I know it's not going to take me long to pay it off, but this whole budgeting and not going out while being young and supposedly fun thing is getting a little old.  I want to live already.

The worst thing is that this debt isn't as a result of required expenses, like school or books or living expenses while away at university.  No.  It's my own frivolous spending and desire to always have the best that got me here.  I'm so ashamed that my parents have no idea.  They think I have thousands of dollars in savings, when I'm in the hole.  I can't hide this much longer.  It's really starting to tear away at me. 

As the title says, I need a little inspiration right now.  I look to one of my favourite bloggers FB over at Fabulously Broke whenever I need a little inspiration; if she can do it, so can I.  See her latest post below this one.

I'm hanging by a string.  Eff.


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Fabulously Broke in the City hits its 3rd year

Fabulously Broke in the City hits its 3rd year

Posted using ShareThis

*Canadian Girl's Currently Loving...

I thought to change it up a little, that I’d do a post on a few of my favourite fashion items of late. Still keepin’ it anonymous, but listing what I’m currently loving as we come to the end of 2009.

Leggings.

I’ll admit. I was never one to think this trend would ever take for me, at least as an adult. I remember the days of slouch socks and leggings with a tie dyed t-shirt just for the added fashion effect. Neva, eva thought I’d ever see the day that I wore them.


*photo courtesy of thefashionpolice.net*

Louis Vuitton. 

Ok. This isn’t really a “current” love, so much as it’s a life-long obsession. I have 2 bags and a wallet, with plenty of room for more once my budget allows. If I could, I’d live in a shack with just my bags. For real. Yes, I own the Neverfull, posted here. Do I own it in all three sizes? Unfortunately, no.

Chanel Sunglasses.     

WANT! I die. These are gorge - the Chanel 5080s. I believe my fave pair thus far belong to Maegan over at ...Love Maegan. See one of her awesome Completely Gratuitous Outfit posts here, Chanel sunnies included.

Skinny jeans.  

H’ok. I’m relatively skinny. I’m roughly 5’9” and 130 lbs soaking wet. I have suuuuuper skinny ankles and I hate them. That said, it’s a logical deduction that skinny jeans would only accentuate said skinny ankles. BUT, after desiring to change up my rare going out nights with some new jeans, I decided to buy a pair of skinnies from the GAP. Right in my price range (for skinnies, NOT regular jeans) at about $25 on sale, they’ve singlehandedly changed my view on skinny jeans. Dressed up with a pair of heels, or dressed down with flats, they can take you from day to night instantly. Oh, and if you get some stretch, they can be super comfy too!

*image courtesy of polyvore.com*

Uggs.   

Just ordered another pair online. Actually, I ordered these: the Bailey Button. LOVE! Can’t wait to wear ‘em. I know they call them uggs for a reason, but whatev. They’re comfortable and somewhat stylish. Deal with it.

 Tory Burch flats.

Again, WANT! I can’t rationalize another pair of flats just yet. But when I can, these are what I’ll buy. They are fab AND comfy. What more could I want? The little embellishment on the toes? So cute. Plus, I'll admit I do have a little Girl Crush on Lauren Conrad.


*image courtesy of fabsugar.com*

Christian Louboutins.

As I said earlier, I’m tall. I’m not quite an amazon, but I’m on the border. In my work environment, I have to be dressed professionally ALL THE TIME. This involves heels, usually of the well polished and stylish variety. I am ALWAYS face to face or even about an inch taller than some of the men I work with. This is often intimidating and can either work to my advantage or work against me. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ll likely always have to shop for a lower heeled shoe, but secretly I desire for these sky high Loubies. Really. These are the days I wish I was 5’2” just so I could rock some uber sexy sky high Loubies and feel like a million bucks. The mere act of wearing the shoes makes you feel luxurious and powerful. I’ve decided I might see if I can get a plain black leather, low heeled version on one of my trips to Holt’s once I’ve saved enough. The high price-tag makes frugal me shudder a little a lot, and I feel as though buying the “practical” black ones may ease my pain a bit.

The Boyfriend Sweater.

Though currently boyfriend-less, this is definitely a trend I am loving. Wouldn’t this be perfect with a pair of Loubies? I think Tiffany at I am Style-ish rocks it best with skinnies and some Gucci heels. Check her look out here.



*image courtesy of polyvore.com*

That's it for now. Back to work. Ugh. Le sigh.

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl


PS***

Date boy from the other day texted back. His phone broke. Whee! A little giddy.


PPS***

Why is the font different for the Chanel sunnies, you ask?  I don't know.  It's just showing that way.  It's a sign.  I have to buy them.  Maybe...

Hella Busy Week

Sorry for the lack of posts, but this week has just been go go go!

Today is the first day I've actually had time to sit down, catch up on emails, read blogs by my lovelies (check the blog roll!), and actually post something here.

I went on a date this week.  LOVE!  He is super sweet and treats me like gold, but there's just one thing: I think he may be gay.  I'm not the only one, others think so too.  But if he asked me out, he can't be gay...right?  Or wrong?  Maybe he's just trying to hide his sexuality.  Eff. 

I texted last night and he said he can't wait to see me again.  Then, out of nowhere, he somehow hopped on the GO train and tells me he's coming to see me.  Uh...rewind.  I am in my PJ's, sir.  No seeing me like that.  I text back.  He's "shocked"...what?  The words, "let's hang tonight, like right now, like get on the train", they didn't ever come out of my mouth!  I think he may have knocked, but I can't be sure.  I was already in bed. 

I sent him a text to see what he did last night.  That was at least an hour and a half ago.  Still.  No reply.  Oh bother.  I will let you know how it goes.

Happy weekend!!


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

At Home. Kill Me.

Hello Luverrrrs!


Well, I'm at home with the parentals.  Bday/family ish for the weekend.  My mom's been sick on and off since she had a grand mal seizure last October.  She had another episode yesterday.  I came home to spend time with her.  What do I get?  To be my father's b*tch!  I know I shouldn't complain, but seriously.  The man can't even dress himself.

AND - I every time I come home to this godforsaken town, I'm reminded of why I left.  Saw an ex "boyfriend" (we dated for like 2 weeks.  That does not a relationship make!) at the mall with his mother.  Yes, his mother.  We're mid twenties, and he's still shopping with mommy.  Gross.  He promptly turned his back to me, and I'm sure informed her who I was; I'm surprised he recognizes me.  I know he informed her because I'm almost certain she turned into an ostrich while turning her neck on the escalator to watch me as I walked away.  Ugh.  I'm so reminded why I left.  F this town.

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Six Ways to Find Mr. Wrong

Weird name.  Weird title.  I guess I’m 2 for 2. 

***LONG POST WARNING!! ***
I need to vent.  Certain details have been left out .  Why?  Anonymity.
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I’m in a “love funk”.  I’m just out of a horrible relationship .  I don’t mean horrible in a literal way.  I mean horrible in an I-love-you-so-much-but-you’re-three-provinces-away-and-we-can’t-be-together kind of a way.  Ok, and I guess I’m not JUST out – it’s been 6 months.  Whatever.  I’m a girl and I’m having trouble getting over my first love.  Get over it.

Our relationship was doomed from the beginning.  I’m sure of this.  When we met, we were in our last year of university and both in relationships with other people.  This should’ve been a sign.  I should’ve stayed the F away.  We hung out as friends, and it quickly grew to more.  We got physical.  We started dating.  We were still dating the other people.  Sign #1. 

We hid our relationship – but I’m sure people had their suspisions – even on our graduation trip where he followed his ex around the ENTIRE F-ing resort.  Sign #2.  He held hands with me when no one was looking, but otherwise wanted to pretend we were just friends.  Sign #3.

Our so called hidden relationship went on for another few months.  Not peachy, but not as horrible as mentioned above either.  He drops a bomb: I’ve been offered a job in another province and I think I’m going to take it.  “What about me?” , I asked.  “Well, you just don’t fit into the equation” was his simple, yet telling answer.  Sign #4.  Knowin he was moving in a matter of months when we graduated and were supposed to be starting our lives together, I still stayed in the relationship.  Why?  I don’t really know.  I felt something.  I thought he did too.

Fast forward to our very last exam.  Marketing.  April 25th, 2008.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I went to his house after the exam.  He sat next to me on the couch and dumped me.  Just like that.  Threw me to the curb and dismissed my feelings because he had to “move without thinking about me in all his changes”.  Sign #5.  I cried.  I cried so hard.  I didn’t eat.  I lost weight.  How could he have done that to me?  I found myself wondering if anything was ever real with him.  Was I so wrong about him?  Who was he?  And why did he do this to me?

I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken self and carry on and start my life.  I got a full time job.  I joined  a gym.  I begun to heal.  I open my email one day and there he is.  It’s a month before he leaves and he’s declaring his undying love to me.  He’s saying how much he misses me and how much he wants me back.  He hasn’t moved yet.  I was weak and vulnerable and I’m convinced he knew this.  I took him back knowing full well in a few short weeks we’d be provinces apart for an undefined amount of time.

Things went peachy.  We supported each other and visited as much as we could with the distance and hours between us.  We fell in love; we fell deeply in love.  I was silly and even thought I’d marry him.  We took trips and got dogs.  We went shopping and watched movies.  We visited each other with every chance.  But sadly, the visits got fewer and further between.  Sign #6. 

May 3rd, 2009.  After my best friend’s housewarming party and a fight over Blackberry Messenger, I hadn’t heard from him all day.  I spent the time waiting and waiting for a call or a message, the lump in my throat growing with every waking hour.  Eventually, he called.  Again, he dumped me.  Said he didn’t feel the same way anymore and that he’d been feeling this way for a long time.  Sure was news to me.  I sat there and sobbed.  I was in pieces again.  I stayed this way for a very long time, and don’t know that I’ll ever fully heal.

He still tries to come in and out of my life.  Stupidly, I let him.  What will happen with us?  I don’t know.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again; after all he could just dump me again out of the blue.

But I think you always will have a soft spot in your heart for your first love.  The one person who changed every ounce of your hard heart into one capable of loving and who broke down walls and opened you up.  He was the one I thought I’d marry.  I worry that I’ll never fully heal.  It’s been 6 months and though I’m not in as many pieces as I once was, the pieces that have gone back together are my heart – closed off to love – and the wall that keeps people out.  Maybe, just maybe I’ll eventually find someone who can; someone who’s worthy enough to soften my heart again and tear the wall down permanently.  Until then, I’ll try to piece myself back together and maintain the façade that I’m whole, when on the inside, I’m never going to be the same. 

The one woman who gives me hope that I’ll find my other half is my fellow blogger and a woman I aspire to be, Maegan, over at  …love Maegan.  She once posted the following quote, which is hung both on my mirror and at my desk at work: “Believe in yourself.  Believe in love.  Believe that nothing is just a coincidence.  Just believe”. 

Until I find Mr. Right, I’ll just have to believe.



Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

The Big 2-4

 So sorry for my delinquent posting of late.  It's my birthday tomorrow and I had a rather busy weekend with friends and family.  It was a wonderful weekend and one of the best birthdays yet, however it took up a lot of my free time!!

As I turn another year older, I reflect on where I am in my life and where I'm going.  I'm not where I thought I'd be at 24; that's for sure.  I was certain I'd be engaged by now.  I'd have someone who loved me.  I don't know why it means so much to me - I have everything else I could want: my own place, a great group of friends and a medicore-paying jobs with room to grow sigificantly in the future.  LOVE.  I hate that word.  Maybe I hate it because I'm not IN love.  Maybe I'm jaded.  Who knows.   Someone buy me a cake.  Like this.  It'll make me feel better.



Next post = long.  But I'm reflecting.  I need to vent.  Apologies.


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl


*thanks to www.pinkcakebox.com for the pic

Lest We Forget

For my non-Canadian readers out there, today is Remembrance Day here in Canada.  It's a Veteran's Day of sorts, when we stop at 11am (11/11, at 11am...) to remember the end of World War I. On this date in 1918 the major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

So for all my readers out there who have a friend, a neighbour, a cousin or a spouse in Afghanistan defending our freedom, this post is for you.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

Lest we forget.


Hugs,


*Canadian Girl

Blogging Q & A

Hello Readers (or lack thereof since this is the first post)!! As the title of my first post indicates, I've decided to make my inaugural post a little Q & A about why I chose to blog.

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What's with the stupid name?

I will explain the name in a few parts: I'm planning to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. BUT, I will answer certain questions from you lovely readers, as long as they allow me to keep some semblance of my anonymity. I will always be looking for new post ideas and your questions may fuel a diary entry or two. As you've likely guessed, I'm Canadian. Where am I from? That may remain to be revealed. Right now, I'm just that: Canadian.


What will you blog about?

Anything I feel like. Well, at least that's the short answer. From fashion, to things I love, to personal finance, to my daily rants.

I couldn't think of just one thing to blog about, so I'm blogging about whatever I want and anything you, my readers, can maybe suggest.


Why did you decide to blog, *Canadian Girl?

For a long time I've been following blogs (check the Blog Roll...you won't regret it) and have longed to post on something of my own. I could never write as eloquently or dress as nicely as they could, but I thought I'd give it a try.

Reading about their lives and their day to day posts have given me the strength to hope my life will improve. Not that it's bad per se, I'm just in a "love funk", if you will, and it makes me sad. Like really sad.


How often will you post?

I will try to post daily, but I work in a terribly busy job (ugh - I die!) and may not have time.


Where can I contact you with a question or an idea for a post?

You can click the link on the sidebar or, send something to: anonymouscanadiangirl@gmail.com



Hugs,

*Canadian Girl