On to newer and
I will keep you updated on both fronts.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
Showing posts with label ex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Updates.
So, the ex. We spoke earlier this week. He'd been hoping to see me upon his arrival back in my province on Saturday of this week. Since I've now been made aware WITHOUT HIM TELLING ME FIRST, that he has a gf, I politely told him that it wouldn't be fair to his gf for him to see me without telling her. And I informed him that if he still felt about me the way he claimed he did, that he may lose control of his emotions. He was in 100% agreeance and asked for a couple of days to think about it. Have I heard from him? No. This was mid-last week. Some things never change. I die. He's such a prick. I almost wish I could publish his name here just so that the world could know WHO it is that I hate so much. Alas, that would defeat the purpose of anonymity entirely, as good as it would feel.
On to newer andbetter other things: I think I may hate my job. Hate is such a strong word. I don't know that I hate it so much as have job dissatisfaction (hello business school terms that I thought I'd never use again!). It's just such an up-tight, all work and no play environment that I'm so bored and unhappy. I'm becoming so damned serious just like them. Eff my life. Before you start to wonder "what the eff is Canadian Girl doing to help herself instead of just kvetching on her blog?", know that I'm in the process of updating the resume and qualifications with the hope of sending that out into the Insurance world in the New Year.
I will keep you updated on both fronts.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
On to newer and
I will keep you updated on both fronts.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Gross. *End Scene*
That prick; you know, the one I'm not over. He has a girlfriend, yet he's still calling me and wanting to get together. Jesus! He emailed on Thanksgiving weekend, then called on my bday, and we've even talked on the phone since. The jerk even messaged me on g-chat (the adult MSN...lame, yes. Do I love it? For sure) yesterday to say how excited he is to come home and he hopes to see me. We even had a convo about the Tiffany ring he bought me on our vacay last year in Vegas. I told him I'm still wearing it, and he was ecstatic. I believe the words were something to the effect of "whenever you wear it you know it's from someone who cares very much about you". How would you like it if your bf said that to some other girl? I sure wouldn't.
I don't wear the ring to remind me of him, but it still does. I wear it because it's gorgeous and it's Tiffany and I love it. This is a pic here - of the Somerset collection, I believe.
I don't wear the ring to remind me of him, but it still does. I wear it because it's gorgeous and it's Tiffany and I love it. This is a pic here - of the Somerset collection, I believe.
*this isn't my finger, or my pic. Got it from Google Images.
I hope she's happy. I know he's an ass for still calling etc. Whatevs. I'm still totally in love and miss him every day. I wonder about their sex life, what it's like for him being with someone else. Most of all, I wonder if he's happy. He can't be if he's still wanting to see me, right?
Eff.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
Sunday, November 22, 2009
At Home. Kill Me.
Hello Luverrrrs!
Well, I'm at home with the parentals. Bday/family ish for the weekend. My mom's been sick on and off since she had a grand mal seizure last October. She had another episode yesterday. I came home to spend time with her. What do I get? To be my father's b*tch! I know I shouldn't complain, but seriously. The man can't even dress himself.
AND - I every time I come home to this godforsaken town, I'm reminded of why I left. Saw an ex "boyfriend" (we dated for like 2 weeks. That does not a relationship make!) at the mall with his mother. Yes, his mother. We're mid twenties, and he's still shopping with mommy. Gross. He promptly turned his back to me, and I'm sure informed her who I was; I'm surprised he recognizes me. I know he informed her because I'm almost certain she turned into an ostrich while turning her neck on the escalator to watch me as I walked away. Ugh. I'm so reminded why I left. F this town.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
Well, I'm at home with the parentals. Bday/family ish for the weekend. My mom's been sick on and off since she had a grand mal seizure last October. She had another episode yesterday. I came home to spend time with her. What do I get? To be my father's b*tch! I know I shouldn't complain, but seriously. The man can't even dress himself.
AND - I every time I come home to this godforsaken town, I'm reminded of why I left. Saw an ex "boyfriend" (we dated for like 2 weeks. That does not a relationship make!) at the mall with his mother. Yes, his mother. We're mid twenties, and he's still shopping with mommy. Gross. He promptly turned his back to me, and I'm sure informed her who I was; I'm surprised he recognizes me. I know he informed her because I'm almost certain she turned into an ostrich while turning her neck on the escalator to watch me as I walked away. Ugh. I'm so reminded why I left. F this town.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
Monday, November 16, 2009
Six Ways to Find Mr. Wrong
Weird name. Weird title. I guess I’m 2 for 2.
***LONG POST WARNING!! ***
I need to vent. Certain details have been left out . Why? Anonymity.
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I’m in a “love funk”. I’m just out of a horrible relationship . I don’t mean horrible in a literal way. I mean horrible in an I-love-you-so-much-but-you’re-three-provinces-away-and-we-can’t-be-together kind of a way. Ok, and I guess I’m not JUST out – it’s been 6 months. Whatever. I’m a girl and I’m having trouble getting over my first love. Get over it.
Our relationship was doomed from the beginning. I’m sure of this. When we met, we were in our last year of university and both in relationships with other people. This should’ve been a sign. I should’ve stayed the F away. We hung out as friends, and it quickly grew to more. We got physical. We started dating. We were still dating the other people. Sign #1.
We hid our relationship – but I’m sure people had their suspisions – even on our graduation trip where he followed his ex around the ENTIRE F-ing resort. Sign #2. He held hands with me when no one was looking, but otherwise wanted to pretend we were just friends. Sign #3.
Our so called hidden relationship went on for another few months. Not peachy, but not as horrible as mentioned above either. He drops a bomb: I’ve been offered a job in another province and I think I’m going to take it. “What about me?” , I asked. “Well, you just don’t fit into the equation” was his simple, yet telling answer. Sign #4. Knowin he was moving in a matter of months when we graduated and were supposed to be starting our lives together, I still stayed in the relationship. Why? I don’t really know. I felt something. I thought he did too.
Fast forward to our very last exam. Marketing. April 25th, 2008. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to his house after the exam. He sat next to me on the couch and dumped me. Just like that. Threw me to the curb and dismissed my feelings because he had to “move without thinking about me in all his changes”. Sign #5. I cried. I cried so hard. I didn’t eat. I lost weight. How could he have done that to me? I found myself wondering if anything was ever real with him. Was I so wrong about him? Who was he? And why did he do this to me?
I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken self and carry on and start my life. I got a full time job. I joined a gym. I begun to heal. I open my email one day and there he is. It’s a month before he leaves and he’s declaring his undying love to me. He’s saying how much he misses me and how much he wants me back. He hasn’t moved yet. I was weak and vulnerable and I’m convinced he knew this. I took him back knowing full well in a few short weeks we’d be provinces apart for an undefined amount of time.
Things went peachy. We supported each other and visited as much as we could with the distance and hours between us. We fell in love; we fell deeply in love. I was silly and even thought I’d marry him. We took trips and got dogs. We went shopping and watched movies. We visited each other with every chance. But sadly, the visits got fewer and further between. Sign #6.
May 3rd, 2009. After my best friend’s housewarming party and a fight over Blackberry Messenger, I hadn’t heard from him all day. I spent the time waiting and waiting for a call or a message, the lump in my throat growing with every waking hour. Eventually, he called. Again, he dumped me. Said he didn’t feel the same way anymore and that he’d been feeling this way for a long time. Sure was news to me. I sat there and sobbed. I was in pieces again. I stayed this way for a very long time, and don’t know that I’ll ever fully heal.
He still tries to come in and out of my life. Stupidly, I let him. What will happen with us? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again; after all he could just dump me again out of the blue.
But I think you always will have a soft spot in your heart for your first love. The one person who changed every ounce of your hard heart into one capable of loving and who broke down walls and opened you up. He was the one I thought I’d marry. I worry that I’ll never fully heal. It’s been 6 months and though I’m not in as many pieces as I once was, the pieces that have gone back together are my heart – closed off to love – and the wall that keeps people out. Maybe, just maybe I’ll eventually find someone who can; someone who’s worthy enough to soften my heart again and tear the wall down permanently. Until then, I’ll try to piece myself back together and maintain the façade that I’m whole, when on the inside, I’m never going to be the same.
The one woman who gives me hope that I’ll find my other half is my fellow blogger and a woman I aspire to be, Maegan, over at …love Maegan. She once posted the following quote, which is hung both on my mirror and at my desk at work: “Believe in yourself. Believe in love. Believe that nothing is just a coincidence. Just believe”.
Until I find Mr. Right, I’ll just have to believe.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
***LONG POST WARNING!! ***
I need to vent. Certain details have been left out . Why? Anonymity.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m in a “love funk”. I’m just out of a horrible relationship . I don’t mean horrible in a literal way. I mean horrible in an I-love-you-so-much-but-you’re-three-provinces-away-and-we-can’t-be-together kind of a way. Ok, and I guess I’m not JUST out – it’s been 6 months. Whatever. I’m a girl and I’m having trouble getting over my first love. Get over it.
Our relationship was doomed from the beginning. I’m sure of this. When we met, we were in our last year of university and both in relationships with other people. This should’ve been a sign. I should’ve stayed the F away. We hung out as friends, and it quickly grew to more. We got physical. We started dating. We were still dating the other people. Sign #1.
We hid our relationship – but I’m sure people had their suspisions – even on our graduation trip where he followed his ex around the ENTIRE F-ing resort. Sign #2. He held hands with me when no one was looking, but otherwise wanted to pretend we were just friends. Sign #3.
Our so called hidden relationship went on for another few months. Not peachy, but not as horrible as mentioned above either. He drops a bomb: I’ve been offered a job in another province and I think I’m going to take it. “What about me?” , I asked. “Well, you just don’t fit into the equation” was his simple, yet telling answer. Sign #4. Knowin he was moving in a matter of months when we graduated and were supposed to be starting our lives together, I still stayed in the relationship. Why? I don’t really know. I felt something. I thought he did too.
Fast forward to our very last exam. Marketing. April 25th, 2008. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to his house after the exam. He sat next to me on the couch and dumped me. Just like that. Threw me to the curb and dismissed my feelings because he had to “move without thinking about me in all his changes”. Sign #5. I cried. I cried so hard. I didn’t eat. I lost weight. How could he have done that to me? I found myself wondering if anything was ever real with him. Was I so wrong about him? Who was he? And why did he do this to me?
I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken self and carry on and start my life. I got a full time job. I joined a gym. I begun to heal. I open my email one day and there he is. It’s a month before he leaves and he’s declaring his undying love to me. He’s saying how much he misses me and how much he wants me back. He hasn’t moved yet. I was weak and vulnerable and I’m convinced he knew this. I took him back knowing full well in a few short weeks we’d be provinces apart for an undefined amount of time.
Things went peachy. We supported each other and visited as much as we could with the distance and hours between us. We fell in love; we fell deeply in love. I was silly and even thought I’d marry him. We took trips and got dogs. We went shopping and watched movies. We visited each other with every chance. But sadly, the visits got fewer and further between. Sign #6.
May 3rd, 2009. After my best friend’s housewarming party and a fight over Blackberry Messenger, I hadn’t heard from him all day. I spent the time waiting and waiting for a call or a message, the lump in my throat growing with every waking hour. Eventually, he called. Again, he dumped me. Said he didn’t feel the same way anymore and that he’d been feeling this way for a long time. Sure was news to me. I sat there and sobbed. I was in pieces again. I stayed this way for a very long time, and don’t know that I’ll ever fully heal.
He still tries to come in and out of my life. Stupidly, I let him. What will happen with us? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again; after all he could just dump me again out of the blue.
But I think you always will have a soft spot in your heart for your first love. The one person who changed every ounce of your hard heart into one capable of loving and who broke down walls and opened you up. He was the one I thought I’d marry. I worry that I’ll never fully heal. It’s been 6 months and though I’m not in as many pieces as I once was, the pieces that have gone back together are my heart – closed off to love – and the wall that keeps people out. Maybe, just maybe I’ll eventually find someone who can; someone who’s worthy enough to soften my heart again and tear the wall down permanently. Until then, I’ll try to piece myself back together and maintain the façade that I’m whole, when on the inside, I’m never going to be the same.
The one woman who gives me hope that I’ll find my other half is my fellow blogger and a woman I aspire to be, Maegan, over at …love Maegan. She once posted the following quote, which is hung both on my mirror and at my desk at work: “Believe in yourself. Believe in love. Believe that nothing is just a coincidence. Just believe”.
Until I find Mr. Right, I’ll just have to believe.
Hugs,
*Canadian Girl
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