Saturday, November 28, 2009

Hella Busy Week

Sorry for the lack of posts, but this week has just been go go go!

Today is the first day I've actually had time to sit down, catch up on emails, read blogs by my lovelies (check the blog roll!), and actually post something here.

I went on a date this week.  LOVE!  He is super sweet and treats me like gold, but there's just one thing: I think he may be gay.  I'm not the only one, others think so too.  But if he asked me out, he can't be gay...right?  Or wrong?  Maybe he's just trying to hide his sexuality.  Eff. 

I texted last night and he said he can't wait to see me again.  Then, out of nowhere, he somehow hopped on the GO train and tells me he's coming to see me.  Uh...rewind.  I am in my PJ's, sir.  No seeing me like that.  I text back.  He's "shocked"...what?  The words, "let's hang tonight, like right now, like get on the train", they didn't ever come out of my mouth!  I think he may have knocked, but I can't be sure.  I was already in bed. 

I sent him a text to see what he did last night.  That was at least an hour and a half ago.  Still.  No reply.  Oh bother.  I will let you know how it goes.

Happy weekend!!


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Sunday, November 22, 2009

At Home. Kill Me.

Hello Luverrrrs!


Well, I'm at home with the parentals.  Bday/family ish for the weekend.  My mom's been sick on and off since she had a grand mal seizure last October.  She had another episode yesterday.  I came home to spend time with her.  What do I get?  To be my father's b*tch!  I know I shouldn't complain, but seriously.  The man can't even dress himself.

AND - I every time I come home to this godforsaken town, I'm reminded of why I left.  Saw an ex "boyfriend" (we dated for like 2 weeks.  That does not a relationship make!) at the mall with his mother.  Yes, his mother.  We're mid twenties, and he's still shopping with mommy.  Gross.  He promptly turned his back to me, and I'm sure informed her who I was; I'm surprised he recognizes me.  I know he informed her because I'm almost certain she turned into an ostrich while turning her neck on the escalator to watch me as I walked away.  Ugh.  I'm so reminded why I left.  F this town.

Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

Monday, November 16, 2009

Six Ways to Find Mr. Wrong

Weird name.  Weird title.  I guess I’m 2 for 2. 

***LONG POST WARNING!! ***
I need to vent.  Certain details have been left out .  Why?  Anonymity.
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I’m in a “love funk”.  I’m just out of a horrible relationship .  I don’t mean horrible in a literal way.  I mean horrible in an I-love-you-so-much-but-you’re-three-provinces-away-and-we-can’t-be-together kind of a way.  Ok, and I guess I’m not JUST out – it’s been 6 months.  Whatever.  I’m a girl and I’m having trouble getting over my first love.  Get over it.

Our relationship was doomed from the beginning.  I’m sure of this.  When we met, we were in our last year of university and both in relationships with other people.  This should’ve been a sign.  I should’ve stayed the F away.  We hung out as friends, and it quickly grew to more.  We got physical.  We started dating.  We were still dating the other people.  Sign #1. 

We hid our relationship – but I’m sure people had their suspisions – even on our graduation trip where he followed his ex around the ENTIRE F-ing resort.  Sign #2.  He held hands with me when no one was looking, but otherwise wanted to pretend we were just friends.  Sign #3.

Our so called hidden relationship went on for another few months.  Not peachy, but not as horrible as mentioned above either.  He drops a bomb: I’ve been offered a job in another province and I think I’m going to take it.  “What about me?” , I asked.  “Well, you just don’t fit into the equation” was his simple, yet telling answer.  Sign #4.  Knowin he was moving in a matter of months when we graduated and were supposed to be starting our lives together, I still stayed in the relationship.  Why?  I don’t really know.  I felt something.  I thought he did too.

Fast forward to our very last exam.  Marketing.  April 25th, 2008.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I went to his house after the exam.  He sat next to me on the couch and dumped me.  Just like that.  Threw me to the curb and dismissed my feelings because he had to “move without thinking about me in all his changes”.  Sign #5.  I cried.  I cried so hard.  I didn’t eat.  I lost weight.  How could he have done that to me?  I found myself wondering if anything was ever real with him.  Was I so wrong about him?  Who was he?  And why did he do this to me?

I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken self and carry on and start my life.  I got a full time job.  I joined  a gym.  I begun to heal.  I open my email one day and there he is.  It’s a month before he leaves and he’s declaring his undying love to me.  He’s saying how much he misses me and how much he wants me back.  He hasn’t moved yet.  I was weak and vulnerable and I’m convinced he knew this.  I took him back knowing full well in a few short weeks we’d be provinces apart for an undefined amount of time.

Things went peachy.  We supported each other and visited as much as we could with the distance and hours between us.  We fell in love; we fell deeply in love.  I was silly and even thought I’d marry him.  We took trips and got dogs.  We went shopping and watched movies.  We visited each other with every chance.  But sadly, the visits got fewer and further between.  Sign #6. 

May 3rd, 2009.  After my best friend’s housewarming party and a fight over Blackberry Messenger, I hadn’t heard from him all day.  I spent the time waiting and waiting for a call or a message, the lump in my throat growing with every waking hour.  Eventually, he called.  Again, he dumped me.  Said he didn’t feel the same way anymore and that he’d been feeling this way for a long time.  Sure was news to me.  I sat there and sobbed.  I was in pieces again.  I stayed this way for a very long time, and don’t know that I’ll ever fully heal.

He still tries to come in and out of my life.  Stupidly, I let him.  What will happen with us?  I don’t know.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again; after all he could just dump me again out of the blue.

But I think you always will have a soft spot in your heart for your first love.  The one person who changed every ounce of your hard heart into one capable of loving and who broke down walls and opened you up.  He was the one I thought I’d marry.  I worry that I’ll never fully heal.  It’s been 6 months and though I’m not in as many pieces as I once was, the pieces that have gone back together are my heart – closed off to love – and the wall that keeps people out.  Maybe, just maybe I’ll eventually find someone who can; someone who’s worthy enough to soften my heart again and tear the wall down permanently.  Until then, I’ll try to piece myself back together and maintain the fa├žade that I’m whole, when on the inside, I’m never going to be the same. 

The one woman who gives me hope that I’ll find my other half is my fellow blogger and a woman I aspire to be, Maegan, over at  …love Maegan.  She once posted the following quote, which is hung both on my mirror and at my desk at work: “Believe in yourself.  Believe in love.  Believe that nothing is just a coincidence.  Just believe”. 

Until I find Mr. Right, I’ll just have to believe.



Hugs,

*Canadian Girl

The Big 2-4


 So sorry for my delinquent posting of late.  It's my birthday tomorrow and I had a rather busy weekend with friends and family.  It was a wonderful weekend and one of the best birthdays yet, however it took up a lot of my free time!!

As I turn another year older, I reflect on where I am in my life and where I'm going.  I'm not where I thought I'd be at 24; that's for sure.  I was certain I'd be engaged by now.  I'd have someone who loved me.  I don't know why it means so much to me - I have everything else I could want: my own place, a great group of friends and a medicore-paying jobs with room to grow sigificantly in the future.  LOVE.  I hate that word.  Maybe I hate it because I'm not IN love.  Maybe I'm jaded.  Who knows.   Someone buy me a cake.  Like this.  It'll make me feel better.



Next post = long.  But I'm reflecting.  I need to vent.  Apologies.


Hugs,

*Canadian Girl


*thanks to www.pinkcakebox.com for the pic

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lest We Forget

For my non-Canadian readers out there, today is Remembrance Day here in Canada.  It's a Veteran's Day of sorts, when we stop at 11am (11/11, at 11am...) to remember the end of World War I. On this date in 1918 the major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

So for all my readers out there who have a friend, a neighbour, a cousin or a spouse in Afghanistan defending our freedom, this post is for you.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)




Lest we forget.


Hugs,


*Canadian Girl

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Blogging Q & A

Hello Readers (or lack thereof since this is the first post)!! As the title of my first post indicates, I've decided to make my inaugural post a little Q & A about why I chose to blog.

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What's with the stupid name?

I will explain the name in a few parts: I'm planning to keep this blog as anonymous as possible. BUT, I will answer certain questions from you lovely readers, as long as they allow me to keep some semblance of my anonymity. I will always be looking for new post ideas and your questions may fuel a diary entry or two. As you've likely guessed, I'm Canadian. Where am I from? That may remain to be revealed. Right now, I'm just that: Canadian.


What will you blog about?

Anything I feel like. Well, at least that's the short answer. From fashion, to things I love, to personal finance, to my daily rants.

I couldn't think of just one thing to blog about, so I'm blogging about whatever I want and anything you, my readers, can maybe suggest.


Why did you decide to blog, *Canadian Girl?

For a long time I've been following blogs (check the Blog Roll...you won't regret it) and have longed to post on something of my own. I could never write as eloquently or dress as nicely as they could, but I thought I'd give it a try.

Reading about their lives and their day to day posts have given me the strength to hope my life will improve. Not that it's bad per se, I'm just in a "love funk", if you will, and it makes me sad. Like really sad.


How often will you post?


I will try to post daily, but I work in a terribly busy job (ugh - I die!) and may not have time.


Where can I contact you with a question or an idea for a post?


You can click the link on the sidebar or, send something to: anonymouscanadiangirl@gmail.com



Hugs,

*Canadian Girl