Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Self Confidence. Where to get It?

The title of the post says it all. I've lost my self confidence and I can't find it. Serious.

Why? I don't particularly know. I'm not dumb. I have a great job. I'm hot (*or so I'm told, NOT my personal opinion). I own my own home. All that, and I'm only in my early twenties.

What is it about me? Why can I never think I'm good enough. I don't just find this in my love life; I find it in my daily life. I have trouble at work because I'm constantly seeking affirmation from others that I'm doing well, when really you are the only person who should be responsible for your own self confidence. I seem to have no problem attracting dudes. Note I use the word dudes. Not particularly great guys, but dudes. They're the "guido" type (* more on that in my next post), who seem to just want a good time and don't want anything serious.  Gross.  Here's hoping I find a "special" dude in there somewhere.

Maybe having a guy will help my self confidence. Who knows.  But it all comes around to the fact that I don't want my self confidence to E-V-E-R  be based on admiration from some guy.  I want to find my self confidence from inside.  I want to really and truly believe that I am worthy.  I don't know where it stems from.  I'd always thought it perhaps came from my childhood where I was overweight, bucktoothed, and wore glasses.  It was my perception that I was an ugly duckling for my entire childhood.  Recently, however, I came across an old photo of myself as a young child in my parents' collection of old photos.  The first thing that caught my eye was how striking I was.  I wasn't like other kids that age; "cute" would not be what I would describe the picture to be.  I looked exotic...almost too exotic for a young girl.  I was am beautiful and always have been.

Perception.  Maybe that's just it.  Maybe I need to change my overall perception of myself to obtain that self confidence I so wholeheartedly lack.  Here's to another year on the horizon.  Here's to another opportunity to perceive myself in a different light as the beautiful, intelligent and successful woman I know I am.


*Canadian Girl

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